Do you recognize that? You may be grappling with a situation because you can’t make a choice. You feel the pressure of a deadline and the tension intensifies!

It maybe feels like you are stuck.

What is your coping strategy? Do you throw yourself into work/ become a workaholic? Do you start to drink more? Do you go out more often? Do you stay in bed longer? Who do you avoid?

Or are you trying to control it by worrying about it? And forcing yourself to find a solution?

And what does your “critical self” say about this? Do you also judge yourself about this?

Ultimately, those avoidance strategies and self-judgments only create more stress, which increases the chance of you not finding a solution to your situation.

What CAN you DO?

Here are some tips:

Tip 1:
Ask someone you trust when he/she thinks you are “ready” to make a decision or get an answer. That person may also indicate that they do not know. Sometimes we need to hear that. It is uncertain if you will have your answer next year or if you ever will….

This creates space for your sadness, disappointment, or anger. Do not avoid or fight against these feelings. Maybe fear and these feelings were blocking you from answers…

Tip 2:
Have a fixed moment in the week where you allow yourself to think about the situation that is bothering you. If, in the moments in between, you find yourself thinking of the situation, kindly ask yourself to keep those thoughts for that scheduled day/time. During your reflection moment ask yourself the following questions:

  • What is my heart telling me today?
  • What is my head telling me?
  • And what are my gut feelings?

You will notice that one day, you will know what to do. Not when you want but when it’s time.

Tip 3:
Difficult decisions always hurt!

Is your gut feeling clear about the answer but you are avoiding a “crying heart”?

Realize that an avoidance strategy is also not the solution.

Difficult decisions can come with pain!

We survive pain and only suffering will “kill” us.

Have faith in yourself! You’re stronger than you think!


Tip 4:
Did you know that 95% of what we do happens unconsciously?

Through reflection, we can sometimes afterward analyze our behavior, but in addition, many unconscious processes may have played a role of which we are not or have become aware of. Past traumas, no matter how big, can have major effects on our behavior.

If you can’t find the answers to what is blocking you, use therapy. I would suggest Franz Ruppert’s method, IoPT (Identity Oriented Psychotrauma theory and therapy). It’s about recognizing, acknowledging, and saying goodbye, letting go of what doesn’t belong to you, no matter how familiar it is, and taking back what you once left behind.